The Art of Scaring a Soulmate
by turtlethewriter
Summary: Almost everyone in the Universe has a soulmate, and Lieutenant Cassie Andromeda is no exception. Half Vulcan and named after a constellation, because her parents apparently really wanted her to go to space, the skilled engineer aboard the Enterprise has a soulmark that has disappeared once, come back, and is getting clearer. She's a little worried. T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek, just my wonderful child and OC, Cassie.**

"Shore leave is only 72 hours away."

There was a curse, and then the muttering continued down the wide pipeline that the Beta shift engineers occupied.

"72 hours, I can keep a level head for that long," a clatter, and then, "...Jesus fucking Christ."

"Language, Lassie!" Scotty shouted, and the woman in question turned around and glared at him, her hands on her hips, a wrench clutched in her fist.

"Fuck you, Scotty," she shot back, "this is the worst thing I've done on this ship. Ever. Who the fuck wired this thing?" She banged the wrench on the paneling, which echoed down the pipeline. Some of the other engineers chuckled, and Scotty rolled his eyes, turning back to his PADD.

Cassie continued working, occasionally muttering under her breath, the other engineers chattering in the background, Scotty and Keenser monitoring everything.

They were around two years into their five-year mission, excluding the long intermission where the Enterprise had to be completely reconstructed, and it had been six months since their last leave.

Cassie wasn't even the worst of them all with her stir-craziness; Scotty was just as bad, rumour said he'd met his soulmate on their last leave and wasn't doing so great with separation. Sulu was the same way, missing both the soulmate he was married to and their daughter. The worst of them all was, apparently, the Captain.

She had never met Jim Kirk, as she was constantly in the depths of the wires of the ship as chief of electrical and the warp specialist, but gossip traveled far, and the Captain was reportedly extremely stir crazy. Cassie was glad for it; this was a special leave, scheduled early, entirely because of the Captain.

As she worked, she could only speculate what made the Captain so restless. They hadn't had any massive incidents for a few months, aside from the occasional alien virus, memory loss, colony of children… well, no, they always had incidents. She had never seen any directly, she never beamed down to the surface, and was indeed pretty scared to even try it after Nero, Khan, and, most recently, Krall. The engineering department always lost the most people, and she was reluctant to be one of them.

Maybe the Captain had the feeling that he was going to meet his soulmate soon, perhaps the mark was getting darker. Hers was, which was why she was unusually interested in getting to Yorktown. And worried.

She put down the wire clippers she was using and wiped her forehead, pulling back her sleeve and looking at the chicken scratch script that circled her wrist. It had been getting darker and darker every passing day, slowly becoming legible, and after the scare she had during the Khan incident, she was grateful for it. Even though it had been a few years since the mark had faded completely and then suddenly returned, she was still terrified she or her soulmate would die. She was certain they worked in Starfleet, and possibly on the Enterprise, so there was no guarantee for their safety.

Cassie grimaced to herself. She wasn't even sure she wanted to meet them, whoever they were. No matter how happy other soulmates seemed, she didn't know how she felt about being predestined to be with someone. It was as though she didn't have a choice.

Scotty shouted something unintelligible, marking the end of Gamma shift, and Cassie wrapped up her tools, closed up the panel, and climbed back up into the main sector of Engineering with the others.

"Good work today, all of ye," Scotty was saying, nodding to each of them. "It's unlikely we'll be having any troubles, so I won't have ye come down here unless I explicitly call ye. That clear?" Everyone nodded, with a few tired affirmations here and there. Cassie just yawned, looking forward to getting into her quarters. "All right. Dismissed, and get some sleep, ye wee geniuses!"

Cassie allowed herself a little grin, saluting to Scotty on the way out, beginning the long trek back to her quarters in the officers' hall that was annoyingly close to the bridge. None of the engineers made small talk, all of them too exhausted to bother. Instead they kept trading yawns, especially once they were all confined to a turbolift. Cassie had the worst of it, yawning so wide that tears started to form. The lift stopped at various points, engineers stepping out of it one by one with halfhearted "goodnights".

Soon, Cassie was the last one left, and she leaned heavily against the wall, struggling to keep her eyes open. She'd worked too many shifts, apparently. Just as she was about to fall asleep on the wall, the turbolift opened, and she stepped out, right next to the bridge.

For a minute, she considered going in and checking on their progress. Then her soulmark started to ache slightly, so she grumbled and moved in the direction of her quarters. Nyota attempted to grab her attention as she passed her, but she merely grunted in response and pointed toward her door, and her friend grinned and let her go.

"Finally," she mumbled, opening her door. Her bed looked like a beacon of tranquility, and she collapsed into it.

* * *

 ** _Four Years Ago_**

"Lieutenant Andromeda, this is Commander Spock."

Cassie shook hands with the Commander, noting his slightly pointed ears and very Vulcan haircut.

"Nice to meet you, Sir," she greeted, and Spock nodded, releasing her hand.

"Likewise, Lieutenant. Admiral Pike tells me you're an exceptional engineer, and half Vulcan, like myself."

It wasn't a question, but Cassie took it as such.

"Yes, Sir, I am an engineer, however I grew up on Earth, not Vulcan. My mother was Vulcan, but passed away shortly after my birth, so my father elected to return here to raise me as if I was human," she explained, already aware of the infamous qualities of the commander and just how different they were.

"A logical choice on his part, it would have been difficult for a human to raise a half Vulcan child on our planet."

"Yes, Sir," she glanced at Pike, who smiled.

"Cassie will be joining the rest of the crew on the _Enterprise_ , I thought it might be nice to know that the two of you share a heritage."

Spock smiled; it was tiny, but genuine, and he nodded to the admiral.

"It is nice to know, Admiral, that I am not the only half-Vulcan in Starfleet," he turned to Cassie, with some interest now. "Perhaps you and I have more in common."

Cassie grinned.

"Somehow I doubt that, Commander Spock, but I'm willing to get to know you. I wouldn't mind learning more about where my mother came from."

* * *

 ** _Present_**

Cassie grimaced, stretching her neck slightly, still waking up from her nightmare. It was the same one every night, starting with Vulcan disintegrating before her eyes, then the horrible pain as her mark faded from her wrist, the _Enterprise_ crashing, being held captive-she shook her head of it, and got out of bed.

The dreams didn't really bother her anymore; that was the plus side of the Vulcan half of her. With Spock's help, she'd learned how to control her volatile emotions in a healthier way, the way Vulcans had evolved to do.

Her wrist caught her eye, and she rubbed her mark curiously.

She could read the writing.

 _Good to meet you, and if Scotty says you're the best, you're the best._

Well. She snorted. That was anticlimactic.

Soulmarks were always introductions, but most people were lucky enough to actually get someone's name in theirs. She guessed her soulmate wasn't all that polite. Neither was she, so she could live with it.

She took a brief round in the 'fresher, then dressed, taking care to cover her wrist with her sleeve, especially now that it was legible. She was actually looking forward to having a leisurely breakfast when her communicator beeped.

A sigh, then, "Lieutenant Andromeda here."

"Lass! Good, you're up. You're needed on the bridge, we've got a task for you, you get to beam down!" Scotty sounded enthusiastic, and she looked at the communicator in surprise. Scotty was usually the one to beam down when there was an engineering issue, but she didn't question it.

"I'll be right there."

On her way, Cassie speculated.

The planet they were orbiting wass a Class M inhabited planet that Starfleet had established a station on years ago. Recently, the station had gone offline, which was why they were there. The only reason she could figure that she would be needed was if the malfunction was something electrical.

When she arrived, everyone on the bridge was already discussing the situation.

Cassie caught Uhura's eye, and gave her a tiny wave, which she returned brightly. She moved over to where Scotty stood, and listened in on the explanation.

"The station isn't just for gathering data, it controls a magnetic field that protects the planet against the asteroids that keep blasting into it and keeps the electrical storms on the planet from getting too wild," Scotty explained.

"Doesn't that violate the Prime Directive?" Cassie piped up, and Scotty shrugged.

"Maybe, but Starfleet established it anyway."

"The planet is full of intelligent life," Spock explained. "At the time the base was established, the Prime Directive was not fully established." Cassie nodded, and Spock nodded back in greeting.

"So what about this electrical storm that's coming in?" Captain Kirk suddenly turned in his chair, joining in on the conversation. Cassie tried not to think about the fact that this was her first time meeting him.

"We've got three hours until it hits, Captain," Sulu chimed in, tapping away at his screens with Chekov.

"All right, Lassie, this is where ye come in," Scotty said, abruptly clapping her shoulder. Cassie raised an eyebrow at him.

"How, exactly?"

"Well, you're the best engineer I've got, and you're damn good at electromagnetics, so you're the best option to head down there and fix everything."

"Sir, I'm good at electromagnetics, but I dunno if-"

Scotty cut her off by leading her to the captain, and she grimaced.

"Jim, this is Lieutenant Cassie Andromeda, she'll be beaming down with you."

Kirk looked up at her, grinned, and held out his hand, which she took automatically. His eyes were way too blue, his blond hair swept back in a style that was remarkably appealing to her. His grin showed gleaming white teeth, and his eyes crinkled at the corners; it was a genuine smile, and she found herself returning it easily.

"Good to meet you, and if Scotty says you're the best, you're the best."

A tingle went up her arm, and she stilled imperceptibly, the smile freezing on her face.

 _Well, fuck._

"Yes, Sir, I'll do my damn best," she replied, on autopilot while her brain shorted out and curses repeated over and over in her head.

When they beamed down, she was still cursing to herself.

* * *

She'd never even spoken to the captain before today, and yet it was instinct to push him out of the trajectory of the incoming projectile.

Not a single thought was involved. She'd seen the creature aim for Captain Kirk's heart, and reacted. There was no logic, just action.

And then there was pain.

Pure and simple agony ripped through her as she was struck in her side, right beneath her ribs, dangerously close to where her heart may have been had she inherited Vulcan physiology. She'd shoved Kirk to the side, and in her haze of pain she remembered to look for him.

He was on the ground, unharmed but bewildered. For a split second, he looked up at her in shock, as she was beginning to feel it in her nerves as vertigo and nausea started to set in between waves of pain. She swayed, raised her blaster-but Spock beat her to it. The creature was dead before anyone else could make a move.

Blood rushed in her ears, she vaguely recognized that her pulse was all too fast, and her vision started winking in and out-the scene changed, and she stared at the sky.

McCoy's voice was muffled at first, but she fought through a fog that made her wish for sleep, and struggled to hear him and the commotion around them.

"Lieutenant, I need to remove this to clean the wound and make sure you're not poisoned. Can you hear me?" the Doctor said, his normally calm voice shaky. She felt a rush of guilt for worrying her friend. "Kid, can you hear me?"

Cassie nodded-she tried, at least, but everything was heavy and hard to move. She swallowed, and cleared her throat, absently grateful that she wasn't tasting blood.

"Yeah, yeah-" she croaked, painfully, "uh, okay," she swallowed again. There was no feeling in her left side; she assumed McCoy had already numbed it for her. There was a pause before anyone spoke again. The clouds had gotten darker above her.

"All right, it's out, but you've lost a lot of blood. I need you to stay awake, Cass, all right?" McCoy sounded better now, and she nodded slightly. She would try.

A moment passed, and somehow they had moved. Instead of looking up at blue sky, she stared at stalactites hanging from a rocky ceiling. Something in her shifted, and she was oddly fearful. She had lost time; had she passed out? Hit her head? Was she dying?

Her heart was beating fast, she realized, almost painfully hard against her rib cage. She tried to ask for McCoy, but her throat had closed up and she breathed hard through her nose. Her hands shook, and she felt suddenly cold. She closed her eyes, tried to remind herself that she was in shock, but she couldn't stop.

But then everything did.

Someone had placed a hand on her face, fingers at three specific points, and she recognized them in her head. A wave of calm washed over her; her pulse slowed, no longer thumping in her ears. It was Spock, and she sagged in relief. He would know what to do.

The coldness she had felt persisted, creeping through her veins from the starting point in her side. McCoy had not numbed her, she realized, she'd been poisoned.

As the thought ran through her mind, Spock withdrew both metaphysically and physically from her. Terrified, she tried to reach out for him, but did so only in her head. He was gone. She was in control again, but she felt trapped. She opened her eyes; her vision swam and she was nauseous again.

Blue eyes appeared suddenly above her as she refocused, concerned and stressed. She again felt guilty; they needn't worry, she'd be fine. She could feel it.

She wondered who that was.

The chill in her side was disappearing, and sound was becoming clear again. She closed her eyes-and with it came extreme and sudden searing agony.

She couldn't help the scream that ripped from her throat, but slapped her own hand over her mouth as she writhed in pain. The Vulcan part of her insisted that she needed to make sure no other creatures found them, but her human side reacted the only way it knew how to react to pain. She was crying, twisting her head back and forth, trying to find some way to get away from whatever hurt so much.

The pain did not die down, but somehow she managed to force it to the back of her mind, desperately clinging to consciousness and trying to find something else to focus on.

Someone was holding her hand.

"-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, you're gonna be okay, god I'm so sorry, I'm sorry-"

She blinked her eyes open and looked around as much as possible without turning her head. They hadn't moved from the cave, and she was briefly concerned, and then someone squeezed her hand. The pain was an afterthought as she tried to see who it was.

It was the captain.

And he was holding the hand attached to the wrist with her soulmark. Slightly panicked, she checked to see it was still covered, and sagged in relief.

She shifted her head slightly, realizing that she rested on a soft pillow that was actually him. Bewildered, she blinked at him.

"Captain?" she asked, hoarsely, and he looked down at her in surprise and relief. "How long has it been?"

It was his turn to blink at her-he turned and shouted for McCoy, looking back at her with an exhausted smile. "It's been about ten hours, Lieutenant. We've been taking turns watching you, but I'll admit I took more than my fair share." He winked at her, but it went right over her head as her side ached again. He must have noticed her grimace, because he called for "Bones" more urgently.

Doctor McCoy appeared on her left, and shot her a gentle smile. "How're you feeling, darlin'? In too much pain?"

Cassie tried to shrug, "It's not the worst I've had, none of this is," she mumbled, and attempted to sit up, but both men held her down. "I'm okay, I can sit against something-"

"Sweetheart, not that I don't appreciate your tenacity, but you've just had a lung pierced and poisoned and scared the hell out of all of us," McCoy explained, lightly patting her shoulder but admonishing her protests. "Well," he frowned, and looked back at where she assumed Spock was standing, "most of us were scared."

"I'm half Vulcan, I heal somewhat faster, honestly," Cassie tried, a little impatient. "I don't want to take up any more time."

"Captain, Doctor," Commander Spock had reentered the cave, and gave her an assessing glance. "Lieutenant Andromeda is being entirely truthful, and at this point she should be stable enough for travel."

"Spock, this woman almost died-" the Captain began, but Spock cut him off.

"Your concern is well-founded, Captain, but if the Lieutenant is to get the proper amount of care it is imperative that we move to a location for transport before the electrical storm comes in." He paused, and nodded to Cassie. "If you feel well enough to stand, it is logical that we retreat to the ship and return to the planet tomorrow."

For a moment, Cassie was struck by how incredibly different they were despite sharing a heritage. Perhaps he was more Vulcan than she? She swallowed, and nodded.

"I'm okay to stand and walk," she confirmed, sitting up and not meeting any resistance other than a piercing pain in her side.

Before they could go anywhere, her communicator chirped, and Scotty's frantic voice rang through the cave. She fumbled at her belt and flipped it open.

"Scotty?"

"Lass! You alright?"

"I'm gonna be fine, what's going on?"

"Well, on top of the electrical storm, the planet's about to be hit with a, er, meteor shower. Literally."

Cassie made eye contact with the Captain, who had been staring at the communicator as if he was angry Scotty had contacted her instead of him.

"You've got to be fucking with me," she blurted, glaring at the device.

"'Fraid not. Either ye brave the storm and fix the field, or I beam ye back up right now. I've got it all readied."

Cassie closed her eyes.

It wasn't her call to make.

There was a moment of silence.

"Captain, my Lieutenant is the only one down there with the capability to fix the field."

Another pause.

"How long until the meteor shower?" Kirk asked.

"One hour," Scotty chirped.

Cassie looked at the captain, and tried desperately to keep her face blank. But she had grown up around humans, not Vulcans, so her despair surely showed on her face. The captain looked away, and she clutched her communicator with a tighter grip, already knowing his decision. Four valuable members of the crew, or a planet that was destined for destruction? The choice would be clear to him.

"Beam us up, Scotty."

The crew, always.

Her jaw clenched tight as she waited for the telltale tingling in her fingertips and toes. She knew, logically, that the choice was not easy for the Captain, but she wondered if the guilt would eat at him as it was starting to eat at her. She had saved his life, nearly at the cost of her own, and certainly at the cost of the life on the planet. Her injury was why they were returning-they would be caught in the storm with her, but needed her to do the repairs.

Her toes tingled, but nothing else did. Then, McCoy and Spock were both enveloped in golden light and disappeared, but she and Kirk remained. She looked at her communicator in confusion.

"Scotty?" she called, but only static responded. Light flashed outside-the storm had come early.

"Shit," Kirk swore, but Cassie saw an opportunity. Adrenaline flooded her bloodstream, and the pain disappeared.

"Captain, we have a chance," she closed her communicator and strapped it to her belt, glancing up at him when she finished. "There's a good chance we can get through this storm fast enough to the station before the meteors start coming in."

Kirk stared at her for a moment, but something must have shown on her face, because after a moment he nodded, his expression stony.

"Let's go."

Cassie nodded and led the way out of the cave, immediately pushing her pain to the back of her mind. Before the Captain could exit the mouth of the cave, she took his hand. She told herself it was for safety, not because of what she had discovered the other day. Then she shoved that thought to the back of her mind; that wasn't important.

"So we don't get separated," she explained when he frowned at her. He accepted it without even a tiny flirtatious remark. That immediately had her worried, given his reputation, but she pushed that away as well and began the walk to where she knew the station was. Not for the first time, she was grateful for her eidetic memory that came with her Vulcan side.

They didn't talk-normally she would have found this awkward, but she was too busy trying to watch her feet as they climbed up and down hills in the rain.

Occasionally she spotted evidence of more creatures and feared another attack, but nothing shot at them. She stumbled a few times, her side flaring in pain, but Kirk kept her upright and they continued on their way.

By the time they reached the station, the storm had gotten much worse, and Cassi was forced to regulate her breathing so she didn't stretch her fragile lung too much.

Kirk opened the door to the underground station, and the source of the malfunctions was immediately clear.

Everything, _everything_ in the building was trashed. Someone, or something, had found their way in and torn the place apart.

Cassie felt her breath leave her in a rush, and swayed on the spot, horrified. For a moment, icy cold panic gripped her entirely. Her vision was fuzzy, and despair held her heart like a vise.

And then the Captain squeezed her hand.

The panic was shoved away, buried deep down by a part of her mind that she rarely accessed. A cool calm took over, and she recognized that her Vulcan half, her left brain, had taken over. She was thankful.

Her face was wiped clean of emotion, which is what may have signaled Kirk that it was time to let her do her thing. She looked around the room, determined.

"How much time is left?" She asked, sparing Kirk a glance.

"Thirty minutes," he replied, after glancing at his wrist. Cassie nodded.

"I can do this," she whispered, entirely to herself. Her hands went to her toolbelt and she was off.

Structurally, the place was ruined. But the structure, the aesthetic, didn't matter. What mattered was the wiring; the entire force field was based on electromagnetics. Cassie smiled wryly-Scotty had guessed correctly about the issue.

After getting over the initial shock of seeing the place trashed, the job was a simple one-for her, anyway. She salvaged what was still left of the electrical system, rerouted several main grids, rebuilt the control panel-none of it done to exact completion, she didn't have that kind of time. After she finished, a full team would beam down and complete her work.

Kirk called out a five-minute warning just as she finished wiring the control panel, and she had a tiny flare of panic, quickly squashed.

Calm again, she went through the motions of activating the shield.

Immediately, Scotty contacted the Captain.

"Captain! The Lieutenant's got the field online, no danger of meteors, and the storm is clearing up!"

Cassie smiled and let go of the lever on the control panel. Her side was aching again, but she ignored it.

"Give me just a moment and I'll beam the pair of ye up."

"Thank you, Mr. Scott," Kirk replied, and Cassie turned back to him. "Have Dr. McCoy ready to bring Lieutenant Andromeda to the Med Bay."

"Yes, Captain."

Cassie was suddenly exhausted. Something trickled down her side-her wound had reopened. She swayed slightly on her feet, and Kirk was immediately beside her, holding her arm.

"Hey, still with me?" He was concerned, and tender, so she nodded. It made him smile, and she realized, sluggishly, that she adored how it made his eyes crinkle at their corners. "Fantastic work, Lieutenant."

She grinned right back at him, her eyes bright despite her fatigue.

"Call me Cassie, Captain."

And then she blacked out, unaware that those were the words that had become legible in loopy handwriting on Kirk's collarbone that morning.

* * *

 **A/N: Oh boysie first Star Trek fic. Or first published one, anyway. Hey guess who super enjoys soulmate tropes? Me. Obviously. This is a fic that is gonna be pretty lacking in overarching plot because I am All About that good fluff. There'll be episodic plots, but aside from that, nah. Probably. An idea could strike me. I'll let you know. Not much else to say here. Are these notes really necessary? Maybe.**

 **Anyway, please review! Love getting that good feedback.**


	2. Chapter 2

[A/N] wow hello it's been a while and it's midnight more notes at the bottom

* * *

Waking up in the sick bay was, without exaggeration, Cassie's least favorite activity. Especially when it felt like she'd been run over repeatedly, run through a meat grinder, and set on fire. All at the same time.

Regardless of her pain, her traitorous eyes blinked open, and the sudden bright light introduced her to a horrific headache.

Well, the adrenaline had certainly wore off. She groaned, and it sounded as bad as she felt

"How ya feelin', kid?" McCoy appeared above her, grinning.

"I've been better," Cassie rasped, trying to smile, but it came off as more of a grimace. "What's got you so happy?" She asked, as the doctor handed her a plastic cup of water while raising the bed up to a sitting position. "Figured you'd just scowl at me when I woke up."

"Ah, I just managed to kick the Captain out of the sick bay," McCoy explained, moving around, checking her vitals. "Since you just woke up, he'll be real pissed at me that he wasn't here to greet you. Though," McCoy glanced back at the door to the sick bay while checking her pulse, "he's probably just outside the door."

"Why would he be-?"

Everything came rushing back in a flash, and Cassie cut herself off.

"Oh, right, the whole…"

"Soulmate thing, right?" McCoy quipped, giving her a distinctly unimpressed look. "Coulda told me he was your soulmate, I'd have gotten the pair of you together quicker than a-"

"I only found out yesterday! I'd never met him before!" Cassie interrupted him before he could come up with an agriculture-related metaphor. "I didn't even suspect it, not even when the mark disappeared and came back after Khan, though I really should have known."

"I'll be damned, I'd forgotten about that," McCoy said, surprised. He looked at her a moment, and frowned. "How'd you cope with that?"

"Oh, I was a wreck," Cassie said, matter-of-factly. "Thought I was gonna die, it hurt so much. Stayed in bed for weeks, and then one day it just came back. Really should have connected the dots when I got notified he basically came back to life."

McCoy snorted, "Yeah, probably."

Her throat was getting sore and dry again, so Cassie drank her water and watched Leonard do his work, running scans around the area of her wound and whatnot. With a start, she realized that it was actually quite late, as no nurse appeared to be on duty and the sick bay was empty. And Captain Kirk had stayed awake? No wonder McCoy kicked him out.

Cassie ignored the warm feeling in her chest at this. If McCoy knew they were soulmates, that meant Kirk had figured it out, probably from the late greeting she'd given him before she'd passed out. That could be… an issue.

Soulmates and soulmarks had been around for decades, but no one was one-hundred percent sure of their origins. The first known incidence of a soulmark had been around the same time as the first contact with alien life; it could have been an alien virus that somehow connected two people that would, in fact, work perfectly in a romantic or platonic relationship, and was somehow intelligent enough to know their first introductions to each other.

Others were convinced that it arose with the discovery of an alien deity, which did make sense as the species did have something akin to soulmates and credited that to their god. It was plausible; perhaps there really was a god that, upon discovering humans, gave them soulmates.

Still, some also believed that it had been around for a long time, just dormant in human DNA. There was evidence of gene compatibility between soulmates, but that gene compatibility could also be applied to the other two theories.

Needless to say, it was still an ill-understood but widely accepted phenomenon. Who didn't want to find their soulmate?

Well. Cassie was an exception, she supposed.

She looked to McCoy, and then at the sick bay door, and felt a little nauseous.

"Hey, I uh," she swallowed. "I know this is a tall order and you've already saved my life a lot of times, but…"

McCoy smiled at her, eyes softening just a bit. "What do you need, darlin'?"

"Could you, maybe, keep him from visiting while I'm awake? Just for a little while?" She asked, looking away from him and tapping her fingers on the water cup. "I get the feeling he's pretty enthusiastic about soulmates, and I'm just, I dunno, not there yet? Or I might never be? It's kind of terrifying and I'm not really prepared for that conversation-"

"I get it, sweetheart. I'll keep him out of here for as long as I can," McCoy interrupted, and Cassie sighed with relief.

"Thanks, Doctor McCoy."

"Anytime, kid."

* * *

 _Three years ago_

Cassie had her hand wrapped in a grease rag, and was rapidly making her way to sick bay, not looking forward to the experience in the least. She'd been on the _Enterprise_ for nearly a year, and had avoided the sick bay specifically because of all the warnings told about the head doctor.

Apparently, he was mean, intimidating, and overall not fun to be around, but he was good at his job. He seemed to have a good attitude when around serious injuries or illnesses, but if an injury was a stupid accident, he wasn't the most sympathetic.

The young Lieutenant could at least be confident in the fact that this injury was not in any way her fault. She hoped.

The rag was becoming fairly saturated with blood, so she was relieved when she arrived at the bay, the doors opening automatically and revealing several nurses tending to patients. Dr. McCoy was not there, as far as she could tell, so she wandered in with some slight relief.

"Let me guess, that rag isn't supposed to be red?"

A very exasperated, very southern voice spoke from behind her after she walked in. She whirled around, and met the blue-eyed gaze of a very unhappy looking gentleman.

 _Doctor McCoy, I presume._

"Nope," Cassie replied, and McCoy gestured her over to a free station, and she sat down on the bed, gingerly holding her hand in front of her.

"Engineering, huh? Another tool mishap?" The doctor was starting to sound grouchy as he got some supplies in order, so Cassie quickly corrected him.

"Yes, Sir, but not one of my own." That got his attention, and he paused while tapping on his PADD. "I was holding open a control panel for a private, and he got a little too forceful with a wire cutter. The momentum of it was too fast for me and it dug right into my hand, maybe sliced through some tendons, too."

McCoy winced at this, and Cassie wondered if she'd actually garnered some sympathy.

"What's your name, kid?"

"Lieutenant Cassiopeia Andromeda."

McCoy snorted, which was the usual response to her very astrological name. But then he frowned.

"I don't have any record of you ever being in the sick bay, says you got your first physical when the _Enterprise_ was docked in San Francisco." He looked up at her. "No mishaps? No wounds? Nothing?"

"No, Sir, I do my best not to do anything stupid, and I have a pretty versatile immune system."

"Huh."

Doctor McCoy didn't say anything else as he started regrowing the tissue on the back of her hand, the tendons and skin sowing itself back together with the help of a small, handheld device and a laser.

As she left, though, he spoke up.

"Keep that track record going, kid, but feel free to visit whenever."

She smiled at him, and he huffed and walked away. She just laughed quietly; his gruff attitude was something she really liked.

Cassie would definitely be back, if just to annoy him.

* * *

 _Present_

Cassie woke up, again, this time to a greeting from McCoy.

"Hey, remember that time you said you did your best not to do anything stupid?"

She just groaned, and attempted to bury her head in her pillow.

"Saving the Captain's life was pretty damn stupid, kid."

"Yeah, whatever. And how many potentially fatal sacrifices has he made for this ship and the crew?" she responded, and raised an eyebrow at her friend even as her face was pressed into the pillow.

"Okay, fair enough."

* * *

The third time Cassie awoke, there was some commotion.

"C'mon, Bones, I just want to talk to her."

"Listen, Jim, she really needs to rest. Whatever toxin those creatures used was a massive shock to her system, and I'm not even sure it's completely flushed out. It's better for her if you leave her be."

"Spock told me he's confident that because she shares some physiology with him she'll have pretty well removed any left over poison by now!"

"She still needs her rest! Was I the only one that saw her get shot by a goddamn arrow?"

"She fixed a whole station after that! She was walking around and everything!"

"Yeah, and that wasn't particularly smart of her! Or you! It exhausted her even further, which is exactly why she's been asleep for the past few days."

"You've been talking to her, though!"

"Yeah, but I'm not her soulmate, Jim!"

The argument paused for a moment, awkwardly. Cassie was grateful her eyes were still closed.

"Do you have any idea how stressful this could be for her, Jim? Not everyone is as optimistic or idealistic as you, and I know she's sure as hell got reason to be skeptical of how great it is to have a soulmate. It's a trait she and I share, that's for damn certain."

The captain didn't have a response to that.

"Don't push her, you don't have the right. Let her be until she wants to talk to you."

There was a long pause, until the captain said, very quietly. "Okay."

Cassie heard him walk away soon after that, and very slowly opened her eyes. McCoy was frowning in the direction the captain had left.

"Sorry about…" Cassie started, but trailed off.

"It's all right, better he yell at me than you," McCoy waved her off.

"Thank you," she said, emphatically. "Seriously, Leonard, I have no idea how much crap I owe you for and this is really adding to the list."

"You don't owe me anything, sweetheart," he smiled at her, and then frowned. "But, you are actually almost fully healed at this point, and I'm sure you're getting tired of the sickbay. Think it's time you were discharged?"

Cassie sighed, and pushed herself up to her elbows. To her surprise, it wasn't painful. She sat up all the way, swung her legs over the side of the bed, and tested her weight.

"How ya feelin'?"

"Only slightly dizzy, so all things considered, pretty good," she grinned up at the doctor, and he gave her a fairly relieved smile in response.

"And to think I was sure you were a goner," he quipped, shaking his head.

"Hey! It's a little early to be joking about that, don't you think?"

"Ah, you're laughing on the inside."

Cassie rolled her eyes, but begrudgingly smiled. "Are there any special instructions I need from you, Doc?" She quipped, standing up, happy to discover she only swayed a little.

"Sleep, eat, drink water, the usual," he replied, marking something off on his PADD. "You and Spock weren't lying about Vulcan healing, you don't even need bandages at this point."

She nodded at this, "Yeah, I'm not surprised. I went into a healing trance at some point, which is part of why I'm still exhausted, but the wound should be almost completely healed at this point."

"I should warn you, it left a nasty scar," McCoy said, raising his eyebrows at her pointedly. She frowned, but shrugged a shoulder.

"Add it to the list, I guess."

The doctor didn't respond to that, but checked off a few more things and had her sign the PADD. "All right, kid, you're good to go. Go get something to eat, get some more rest. Careful not to eat anything too rich." He put down the PADD, and made to open the sick bay door for her, but Cassie stopped him by hugging him unexpectedly.

"Thank you, Leonard." McCoy froze for a moment, but eventually wrapped his arms around her. "I know that was scary for you," Cassie said, referring to her nearly dying, "it was scary for me, too. Thank you for saving my life. And for stalling the Captain."

McCoy chuckled at the last part, and gently patted her shoulder as she pulled away. "Anytime. Thanks for not dying on me, Cass."

Cassie barked out a laugh, "I try my best to not die, generally." She moved toward the door, which _whooshed_ open automatically, and gave McCoy a tiny salute. "I'm gonna go sleep for a year."

"Me, too, kid."

* * *

Waking up in her own bed was, if she were being honest, only a marginally better experience than waking up in the sick bay. At least, it wasn't so great this time around.

After sleeping for many, many hours, her Vulcan biology had abruptly decided she'd finally gotten enough rest after her injury and subsequent healing trance. So, she woke up, but did not feel well-rested or at all cheerful.

She was grumpy, hungry as all hell, the replicator in her quarters had stopped working, and she didn't feel like fixing it. She couldn't even make coffee.

She stood, in pajamas that were distinctly not Starfleet-issued as they were covered in cartoon jellyfish, and stared at the replicator in her 'kitchen'; a room that lacked every other cooking utility aside from a replicator. At least it had a water dispenser, or, as some might call it, a sink.

"This is where modern ingenuity in engineering falls flat," she grumbled to herself, weakly slamming her fist onto the top of the replicator. "I have become too dependent on the machine, and the machine doesn't give a shit about me wanting coffee."

She was sorely tempted to bang her head on the wall next to her.

Before she could act on that impulse, she was interrupted.

"Well, I think that's the funniest quote I'm gonna hear all day."

Cassie, caught extremely off guard, shrieked and jumped about a foot in the air.

"What the fuck?!" Clutching her chest, heart racing, she turned to see whoever the hell had the audacity to be in her quarters and- "Aw, hell."

It was the Captain. He was leaning against the wall next to her door, and lifted a cup of coffee to her in greeting.

"Bones said you'd been discharged, and after twenty hours he decided he'd let me check on you," he snorted, clearly annoyed with the head doctor. "I let you sleep a while longer, but it looks like you woke up in your own time."

To her surprise, instead of drinking from the coffee he held, he held it out to her as an offering.

"I had noticed your replicator wasn't working," he explained, at her uncertainty and raised eyebrow. She nodded, and accepted the mug. It was still very warm, and her shoulders sagged with some relief.

"Thank you."

Kirk nodded, and then grinned unexpectedly, eyeing her. "Nice PJs."

Cassie glanced down at herself, and to her mortification, actually blushed. "I, uh, like jellyfish. A lot." She took a sip of coffee to distract herself, and fought back a contented sigh at the taste-it was exactly how she liked it.

"I can tell," Kirk said, still smiling, but it had changed, his eyes thoughtful. It was like he was studying her, trying to figure something out. It made her slightly uncomfortable, and if just to do something she went to go sit down at her table. "Do you mind if I take a look at your replicator?"

Cassie frowned, and set the coffee down as she sat. "Are you gonna try and fix it?"

"Maybe," he replied, somewhat playful, tapping the replicator. Then, more seriously, he added, "I've done my best to learn some engineering in the past, when I was gearing up to be a Captain, so I'd know more about my ship." He opened a panel on the machine, and studied the wires there.

"Makes sense," Cassie commented, smiling a little. She'd heard Kirk was such a good captain partially because he knew a lot about all the positions onboard the Enterprise and what tasks they entailed. Plus, a captain that knows nothing about engineering will have a rough time on a ship at all, as communication with engineers is often fast-paced, and not understanding some of the deeper concepts relating to the warp core results in wasted time while the engineer tries to explain how it works in simple terms.

"I've fixed replicators before, they're kinda terrible in how often they break in space," Kirk continued, and tweaked a wire. Cassie, a little less bleary-eyed now that she had some caffeine in her system and a person to talk to, noted that he did in fact know what he was doing, as it was exactly what she would have started with.

"Yeah, same," Cassie finished her coffee, and laughed a little. "That was half of my job back before I started at the academy. People would come in ninety-percent of the time complaining about their replicator acting up. Usually it'd just need a new coil or switch connector, but I've certainly noticed that ship replicators have the shortest lives."

Kirk glanced over at her, smiling. "What did you do before the academy?" he asked, clearly curious about her. She shrugged a little.

"My dad was in Starfleet, but before that he had owned a mechanical repair shop that had been passed down through the family," she traced shapes on the coffee mug, reminiscing, and somewhat hesitant to open up to the captain. "I started helping out when I was pretty young, and when he went back to Starfleet, I was old enough to keep the shop running when he was away." She paused, then smirked. "Well, maybe not old enough to keep the shop running legally…"

"How old were you?"

"Thirteen."

Kirk barked out a laugh, and she grinned at him. "Yeah, that definitely wasn't legal."

Cassie shrugged, "It sure built character, though."

"I can tell," Kirk quipped, and this time it was definitely a compliment. Cassie shifted, cheeks a little pink, and the writing around her wrist burned slightly. She was glad her pajama top was long-sleeved. "Well, I certainly didn't do anything as productive as that before the academy. I was a wildcard, I guess, I'm not really proud of it anymore."

Somewhat surprised to hear this, Cassie tapped her fingers against the mug, and decided on another shrug. "I've heard the rumors, and stories from Nyota, but you won't get judgement from me. I wasn't exactly a model citizen, either, and besides," she stood, and moved to wash the mug in the sink near where Kirk was still fixing the machine, "all that stuff is a ways in the past. The memories of it are what matter, and what we did has made us who we are now."

The captain paused, closed the open panel on the replicator, and turned to her with interest. "Thank you, that's a... really nice sentiment."

She made eye contact with him, and tried for a slight smile. "It's something my mother once said. I took it to heart."

The mug now washed and dried, she set it on the counter, while Kirk leaned against it next to her, closer now.

"You lost her," Kirk said, carefully. Cassie just nodded, knowing it was in her file, and yet felt the need to elaborate. It was almost a physical pull, and she knew, somehow, that it was the fact that they were soulmates that had her feeling the need to open up.

"It was some kind of strange illness she contracted during her work as an ambassador. I was very young, three years old, so I didn't really understand what was happening," she crossed her arms, and stared at the floor. "She knew she was dying, so she wrote letters. A lot of them were to me, for different ages and different major life events. When she died a few months after she got sick, I received one of her letters, where she tried to explain to a three-year-old that she was gone, not because she wanted to be, but because she had to be."

Kirk sucked in a breath, and Cassie felt bad because she knew he hadn't even had letters to hold onto his father with.

"No toddler understands death, but I moved on and got used to her not being around once we moved to Earth. I don't think I ever really got over grieving for her, but, anyway," she took a moment to collect herself, deciding it probably wasn't best to mention the hollow ache she felt daily for a woman she could barely remember. "She left a letter for me for my eighteenth birthday, and talked about things that had happened in her past, and I guess that was one of the things she said that really stuck with me. It certainly got me to change up my act and get my life together. Helped me understand my Vulcan side a little better, which was good since I've always struggled with it." She sighed. "And, y'know, helped fill a part of that void of not having her there. But not for very long."

Kirk nodded, and she was a little embarrassed at how much she'd said. "I get that. It's good you have letters to look forward to from her, but words can't really fill in for a parent."

They stood for a moment, before Kirk took a slight breath.

"Everyone knows my father died, but nobody really knows that that's why my mom didn't stick around at home very much. Found some guy to date and marry, and then went off with Starfleet across the galaxy and left me with that asshole." He deflated a little, and grimaced. "I love my mom, so much, and she knows that what she did when I was a kid hurt me, but she never understood that I felt that same emptiness she did, even though I'd never met my dad."

"Did she expect you to be fine with a surrogate father figure?" Cassie asked, curious and a little upset on his behalf. He shrugged.

"I guess? She'd never been a mother before, and I don't think she really knew what she was doing when she made that choice. Especially considering my stepdad was a dick to me, and she thought he was a nice guy," Kirk frowned. "He was a nice guy, really, I was just a handful, mostly 'cause I wanted my mom around and not him. Some part of me thought that if I acted out enough, she'd come back home and stay home."

Cassie blew out a heavy breath, and chuckled a little. "Oof, yeah, I can relate to that. Sounds like my dad was as absent as your mom."

"Not a great thing to have in common, but it's something," Kirk joked, and Cassie laughed.

For a few minutes, they just stood in each other's company, until Cassie shifted slightly, unsure of exactly what was happening.

"Well, your replicator is all fixed. I can go ahead and leave if you'd like more time to…?"

The rest of his question went unasked, but Cassie knew what he was referring to. Her avoidance of the 'soulmate' topic. She sighed, feeling cowardly, and pushed away from the counter.

She moved toward her sitting area, gesturing for him to follow her. She dropped down into her spot on the couch, and drew the blanket lying on it around her shoulders as Kirk hesitantly sat down next to her.

She started without preamble.

"I'm terrified of having a soulmate."

He appeared momentarily surprised, as though he'd thought she would hem and haw before getting to the subject.

"Okay."

"You should know, as well as I do, that the reason my dad and your mom were away from us for so long is because losing a soulmate is an unbearable thing, especially when you had a kid with them, and especially if that kid looks a lot like your soulmate. It doesn't necessarily justify them abandoning us for periods of time, but it explains it," Cassie explained, and rubbed her hands over her face, covering her eyes for a minute as she could feel herself starting to cry. She sniffed, and pulled her hands away to continue.

"I don't ever want to be like my dad, not that he's a bad person, but because he's absolutely fucking miserable without my mother. After your soulmate dies, you aren't even left with the mark to remember them by, and instead it… it…" she couldn't look at him, but hunched her shoulders and cradled her marked wrist in her other hand.

"Oh." She felt Kirk stiffen next to her, and he made a move to reach for her, perhaps to comfort her somehow, but she recoiled, and he pulled away.

She cleared her throat, and made a valiant effort to continue, remaining in her curled, protective position. "The amount you do for this crew is incredible, and I have no idea how many times you've saved the people on this ship, myself included, but when you died…" Cassie squeezed her eyes shut, and shook her head, trying to physically rid herself of the memory. "I can't even describe how it felt. I won't make you listen to how that felt. But I can at least say that it made me consider the idea that having a soulmate really isn't always a good thing. I…" she decided she could at least say something about that time. "I spent weeks shut in my apartment, I couldn't move from the pain."

He took a moment to digest her words, and in that time Cassie unfurled slightly, allowing herself to relax a little now that her feelings on the subject were on the table.

"...Are you afraid of me dying again?" he asked, looking at her.

"Terrified," she answered immediately. "Especially now that we know what we are to each other, because if I…" she huffed, trying to get through her awkwardness. "If I fall in love with you, and the bond or whatever gets that much stronger, I am incredibly afraid of ending up worse than my dad if you die before your time. And I'm afraid of me dying, too, and leaving you like that. Broken."

Kirk nodded. "Then, you don't have a problem with being predestined to… be with somebody? 'Cause I know a lot of people do." He grinned a little, obviously trying to lighten the atmosphere. "Bones certainly does."

Cassie laughed, "I certainly thought I had a problem with it, but now that I know who my soulmate is, I understand my real problem with the whole thing a little better and really don't mind predestination." She coughed a little, slightly pink in the face. "Especially given the current outcome."

Kirk guffawed, but sobered. "I understand that, all of what you said makes sense. But… can I give a counterargument?"

"To what end?" Cassie asked, trepidatious.

"To trying to… be together. Because I want to be. Because I think you want to try, too, and because if all else fails I at least just want to know you," he explained, and she winced but nodded.

"I love this ship and this crew, and I know you do too, to have stuck around through everything," Cassie smiled, he was right, there. "Khan was… an extreme. Along with Nero, and with what happened with Krall. We've had a lot more incidents where I've been in danger, or the crew has been in danger, it's just a reality that people in Starfleet have to face at some point, and none more than us on this mission. Exploring can be dangerous, but think of all that we've seen."

He wasn't wrong. Despite all the danger, all the deaths in the past, they had seen incredible things. New planets, new cultures, new intelligent life, new ecosystems, creatures, technology, language, weaponry, art… so many different things, so many reasons why Cassie had joined Starfleet in the first place. The urge to discover was so strong.

She started to understand the point he was trying to make.

"This ship is a family, and we have a lot of fun along with so much discovery. The danger can be hard, and scary, and sometimes seems impossible to get out of, but we've always made it. And I'm pretty damn hard to kill, and considering you've been through all of that as well while working in Engineering," he laughed a little, "you must be pretty tough, too."

"I like to think I am," she grinned. At some point during his speech, she had completely uncurled, and now sat facing him. To her surprise, he took her hand.

"And you stick around, you stay on the Enterprise, you stay in Starfleet. Why?"

She frowned, and shrugged. "I don't want to do anything else, but…" Kirk smiled, like he knew what she was avoiding saying, because it would validate a point he hadn't yet made. She sighed. "I stay because I love it, because despite everything that's happened and all the danger we'll still face, it's amazing, and I really wouldn't have it any other way."

"Right. Plus, according to Scotty, your fantastic at what you do, and having seen it firsthand, I can confirm it." She rolled her eyes as he winked at her. "With that logic, why be so afraid to embrace a soulmate bond? There's no guarantee that one of us will die or cause the other pain, but there is a guarantee that we would experience something wonderful, a kind of connection with another person that in the past people could only dream of." He squeezed her hand, and she looked up at him from where she'd been staring at their hands. "Maybe the good comes with the bad, but why push away the good just because it has the potential to turn bad? It would leave you with nothing, feeling nothing."

"Plus," he smirked, "if you're my soulmate, you're definitely the adventurous type. So why not live a little, huh, Cass?"

Cassie snickered, squeezing his hand back, and discreetly used her other to wipe her eyes. "Ah, shit, I don't have anything to counter with that I haven't already said, and you're…" she sighed. "You make good points, and I think you're right, but you forgot something."

"What's that?"

She grinned. "I also happen to like you a whole lot after this conversation, and there's certainly room there for affection, if you can handle it. And that's an important distinction," she narrowed her eyes a little. "You have a reputation, Captain. If I'm your soulmate, and we have a serious relationship, I intend on changing that. So if you're still at a point in life where you can't deal with love or commitment, which I get 'cause I've been there, then-"

"Call me Jim," he said, by way of explanation, and she couldn't help the genuine smile that spread across her lips.

"Call me Cassie," she replied, and then remembered the soulmarks, which Jim appeared to do as well as he touched his collarbone with his free hand, his expression suddenly unreadable.

Hesitating, still holding his hand, Cassie pulled away from his grip, ignoring his momentarily hurt expression as she made a decision. She rolled up her sleeve, revealing the script on her wrist.

"That your handwriting, Jim?" she tried to say it jokingly, but her voice shook slightly. Sometimes, sharing soulmarks could be an intense experience, and she had a feeling that's what this was going to be.

Jim reached out a hand, carefully, gently brushing his fingers over the writing on her wrist. The look of awe on his face told her, yes, it was his handwriting, along with the fact that the mark immediately grew warm and tingled as though her wrist had fallen asleep when he touched it.

She was somewhat exasperated to realize that it made her want physical affection from him very, very badly.

He swallowed, visibly, and gently curled his grip around her wrist as he moved to pull aside the neck of his shirt to reveal his own mark.

She inhaled sharply, both at the warmth of his touch, but also at the sight of her best handwriting on his collarbone. Some part of her said it was the perfect spot for her mark on him to be, and she couldn't help herself as she did exactly what he had done, and reached out to touch her own handwriting.

The slightest brush of her fingers on his mark had an electrical current running between them.

She maintained contact, and he didn't relinquish his grip on her wrist as they stared at each other, wide-eyed.

"Holy shit," they whispered in unison, and grinned.

* * *

[A/N] HELLO i have returned for a short while. i am very tired it's very late so my b if I sound ridiculous here, I might come back to this chapter tomorrow to format some stuff and do some editing but i honestly just wanted this Out There now. this chapter feels very long! and it is kinda almost 6k words that's... hm. honestly writing is weird right now? after a little while it feels formulaic and i can only find so many ways to break up walls of dialogue that sorta need to happen. i dunno it's wack

regardless, thanks to those of you that reviewed/followed/favorited! i realized i hadn't actually put characters on this thing so that's fixed now. i'm not really one for writing slow burn, i mean, not unless the situation requires it and idk this is a fluffy thing in terms of plot but as is shown in this chapter there's gotta be genuine emotion cause i can't just toss soulmates together and be like hahaaaaah they are now immediately in love bc universe/magic/whatever

i guess i prefer to write relationship growth between people that are already affectionate toward each other and/or 'crushing' etc etc cause i tend to find that sweeter and more interesting than angsty "i can't be in love w you for x reason" which is why i wanted to quickly get through cassie's whole attitude on that subject cause Honey We Get It. but also am i projecting onto her? probably

reviews, cause y'all were nice:

Just A Little Wish: Soulmate fics are my shit my dude! Love Jim. Would die for that man, lbr. I defo wanna explore more of Cassie's deal with the half Vulcan situation, I kinda have a plan for that in terms of chapter content that might be noticeable already? if so it was accidental, but I kind of want to do alternating chapters that focus on "human" aspects of her character re; fear/love, and then chapters that focus on the Vulcan side, so her work and her logic and trying to logically deal with conflicting feelings. idk if that makes sense, but I've found Spock's struggle really interesting, and wondered what it might be like being raised on Earth instead of Vulcan and how that changes psychology/coping methods and i am RAMBLING anyway thank you for reviewing!

Fearless by Past: I'm glad you enjoyed reading! I realize the explanation for Soulmarks in this chapter is extremely open, but there is a reason for that! /wink regardless, I hope that the explanation here suffices in a "people have had them for a bit but it is a ~mystery~" kind of way. thank you for reviewing!

i hope you enjoyed this chapter! again might come back and edit tomorrow cause gosh i am tired

thanks

j


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